The "Aint' Shit" Factor

So I've had this debate with a few different friends over the past few day... Relationships. What makes a good man/woman? I keep hearing that men are dogs and women aint shit. Well this CAN'T possibly be true because I know I'm a good woman and I've dated guys who have not "dogged" me. The question asked to me was what makes a good man. I responed with "Someone who when you tell them what you need does what ever they can to give it to you, be it emotional or physical". (this is just 1 item on the loooong list) She responded with "well what if they do all of that and they still cheat"? I reply that if they are cheating they're not fulfilling the emotional part. Later on the same evening I have a convo with a male friend who says the SAME thing but about women... SO... where does that leave us???
It seems from my own life experience and the things that I've seen that we've grown up in a highly sexual era, not like the 60's where sex was unattatched and free but an era where sex is abused and used as a tool. People become involved in sexual relationships with eachother without COMMUNICATION leaving one party confused or hurt. We've been conditioned to "play it cool" and show no emotion, but despite what we show on the outside we are still human and we still hurt. The male and female psyche are extremely complex and OPPOSITE things. Men have sex on a physical plane and women have sex on an emotional. There are many women these days who have trained themselves to think like a man concerning sex. Roles have chaged and so has the female psyche, I know quite a few women who have mastered walking away and acting completely uninterested to gain a mans affections, this usually works, sometimes it does'nt. Case in point, women are still more prone to confuse lust with love or being in love than a man would be.
We are raised as a generation by our mothers, we are the "fatherless" generation. Most young girls (and boys) were raised by a hurt woman and were constanlty reminded how "aint shit" a man is but ironically needing to still constantly be validated by one. (Thank GOD I was'nt raised by my mother because this is all I would have seen and heard, I just saw it at a distance). So I can imagine what a confused state that leaves a child in. Most of the time the "aint shit" factor was proven to the child by constant dissapointment by a father (or mother). So we reach adulthood with the views that have been instilled in us and the hormones of a teenager. What a painful next 10 years...
So how do we stop this downward spiral of of men aint shit cuz women aint shit cuz men aint shit, etc, etc? Here's what I do, and mind you it is a CONSTANT struggle, this is why realtionships are practice and work.
I've been cheated on by the best, career cheaters in the game. I've been the girl laughed at behind her back, I've dealt with the phone calls, text msgs, emails, myspace bullshit, whatever. I've been scarred in ways that are too personal to name. I've also loved hard and gave myself completely and that I don't regret. I may have shut down for a short while but I refuse to give up on love. I refuse to beleive that all men cheat, that all men are "dogs". I'm not going to comprimise my own values about cheating just to (pre) protect myself aginst the emotional pain of a man who may (or may not) even cheat. It's so hard to take 4th and 5th and 6th chances, but this (2 me) is the meaning of life... LOVE. The connections we make, the people we allow close to us. This is the gift that God gives us. Eachother. Wether it is a friend or a lover or a husband or wife. You change what comes into your life by changing YOURSELF therefore changing what you attract to you. The energy you project is like a magnet and will bring like energy back to you (read the Power of Attraction OR The Secret.
So maybe this blog was way too opinionated. This subject was on my mind heavy because I realize that hurt people hurt people and the world is full of them. Changing yourself is the first step. It is the only thing in life we have contol over, everything else is in God's hands... just my opinion.

The People We <3

Alot of the things going on in our city lately have me thinking... and it's a damn shame that it takes effed up shit going down to make us appreciate...

Life continues to move forward at a rate that becomes more and more alarming every year that I age. I find as I become older I become more self absorbed and of course just generally concerned with my own well being. Well as good of a thing that this is I tend to lose balance with other things in my life. Other things and people...

Detroit is a small city and I've lived here for 13 years now. Moved here by way of VA by way of NY when I was 15 years old. So as far as I'm concerned this is home.

I've made alot of friends and alot of frienemies also over those years. My close friends are few and most of them have been in my life close to 10 years if not longer. Most of these relationships just "happen" because I click with certain people. I have about threventeen thousand acquaintances, people that I meet through my work as a tattoo artist, makeup artist or just in and around Detroit's music scene...
My question to you is... what separates a friend from an acqaintance? Is it that you allow the friend to get to know you? Do our friends become our friends by default? Are they people we were around so much that we let the mask down, let the defenses and the guard down? That we become comfortable enough around them to truly be ourselves and say what we think and what we feel without fear of betrayal or disloyalty?
There are a TON of people that I admire and respect and appreciate, that I wish I had the time or the energy or the capacity to be closer with. We get grown and our jobs/mate/children take precedence. People are roses and we get too busy in life to stop and smell them now and again. Friend, acquaintance or frienemy, each person is an individual entity, and wether the enegy they give off is positive or negative, it is still energy. They still are a small piece of the big complicated system. It is conditioning that makes me to isolate, not trust, or to be reclusive. This is only because I've been betrayed or hurt so many times before. My NATURAL instinct is to love and give and be open. It is my concious CHOICE to defy my defenses, to defy what life has taught me...
Life is short. This gets shown and proven to us in the ugliest ways. I will not let my past dictate for me who I am today. I don't need to be bitter because I've been wronged. I think this is maybe the lesson to life. Is that every day we wake up with the CHOICE of who we are, who we love, who we allow into the sacred space in our lives...

Now I've just gotten to rambling. Welcome to the inside of my head. Instead of being angry today about things I can do nothing about, I'm going to appreciate the things that I have. I'm going to love those who are close to me, and hopefully allow new people in my life to know me better. This is me growing, I am radiant today.